Category: Singles Spit Swap
I'm just interested in the responces I would get to this. Sorry i know the title of the board is gay but it came from a movie, and... I just wonder if any of u think thisngs would still be better if the old system of courting was in affect? Not so much alone time and preassure in general don't u think relationships would turn out healthier and getting to know people amoungst groups and short vizzets and building up instead of these relationships where people throw themselves in. If a christian I read a book u might like on the toppic I kissed dating goodbye. If not it's just some food for thought.
I think that it probably would work better than dating. Although I'm sure there are serious and successful relationships that have come out of dating, I hear of lots of people who spend so much alone time together and then when they get married, they hate their in-laws or complain so much about the other person. I'm thinking that it might be that those unhappy people don't really honestly take time to get to know each other. I mean, they can spend lots of time alone together but still not know the other person truly. Like, they really don't know the people in the other person's life such as that person's family and friends and how they act around each other, and they may not realize what the other person's values and views on things are until they are already married. It seems like a lot of dating has to do with the immediate happyness of being just with that other person , changing their behavior to please the other person, and showing physical affection for one another. It doesn't seem like There would be as much talking about serious things or interest in knowing about what the other person is like outside of the relationship and getting to know each other in that way . Maybe that's what is stopping me from dating I guess? I want to be able to know the other person before I get in a serious relationship, not only when they are with me but how they are around others and how they deal naturally with everyday situations. I'd also like to know about their personal values and thoughts on things that would come up should we get married because I feel like that could prevent lots of arguments that would probably happen when our values are different from one another. I don't mean only religious or moral values, but things like parenting, work, socializing, how time is spent, stuff like that. That way, if they are different, we would be aware of that and have already worked out generally how we would deal with our differences when that issue comes up. Although that book mainly pushes a Christian-based life, I think the idea of courting sounds good for anyone even if they're not that religious. I'm planning to get that book from a local library when school is out next week so I can read it myself.
I agree. I've seen it done both ways, and I've seen it work both ways, but courting seems to have a healthier long-term relationship.
You know, at first, I only came to this board, to change the title, but I thought I'd also put in my 2 cents. I think that this is actually a good idea. A tradition, that should've probably never been given up, or a tradition that can still be practiced. I too have seen relationships work both ways, but this really sounds like the best way out of the two...corting!
what do you mean by the "old system of courting"? How far back are we going? The old system is basically arranged marriages or marriages based more on politics or economics than love, but I don't think thats what you're referring to. Having checked out what wikipedia says (i know, a horrible source) about "biblical courtship" which is the idea put forth in that book that was mentioned, I'd say that, for the most part, there is very little difference between that and being involved in a healthy relationship. I don't see where the difference is. In any serious relationship, the couple obviously will spend a lot of time together, but they will also spend a lot of time with family and friends, that's only natural. If you find somebody and all the sudden remove yourself from society and only spend time with that other person, that is extremely co-dependent behavior and you probably need to see a therapist.
There is no "right" way to finding a mate and unsuccessful relationships are bound to happen no matter how you go about it.
I meant more along the times of the mid eighteen hundreds and early twennyith century.
Kinda like where the girl never went to the guy's house. The man always came to call on the girl, and most of the time, she lived with her family, and he'd spend time there, both with her and her family, and very little alone time before the marriage. That is the way I'd like to do things, honestly.
going back to the 18th century? Most of those marriages were mor or less arranged due to bettering the economic conditions of the two families involved.
I don't think the idea of "courting" as described by Jesse really works in modern times. Girls back then weren't allowed to go to college. Nowadays with girls away at school, its much harder for the guy to go to the girl's home. I mean, in high school, of course I'd agree that its appropriate for the guy to go to the girl's house or vice versa. I think that the idea totally flies in the face of the whole women's lib movement, expecting them to live at home instead of go off and have their own careers etc.
Not having any "alone time" with your significant other before marriage is a major recipe for disaster in my opinion...
I think there were good and bad aspects to it: it made people really get to know each other, but it put a lot of the work on the guy, from what I understand of it. A relationship is a joint activity by both parties. Also, different people are looking for different things in relationships; it really depends on the people involved. Ultimately, the 2 (or in rare cases or more) people involved need to figure out how they want it to work.
I think it depends on the 2 people. If you have 2 people dating in a sticky situation where it is not allowed then courtin isn't really possible which was in my case. But if it is allowed and everything works out shit go for courtin it can't hurt nothin.